RE: This Is Where We Both Get Scared.

[XIO BECKETT]

It wasn’t the first time she had ever shed her clothing in front of Evan but it sure felt like it as his hands tugged the fabric away from her body; slowly, seductively, even. They both knew exactly what they wanted even if only one of them knew how to say it. Her mind was just too jumbled right now to make any actual coherent sentence pass her lips but she would try, for his sake. For the sake of the lust burning in her chest. “Precisely,” the worlds were like a sigh escaping her lips. “So give me what I want, baby.” She placed a kiss on the tip of her earlobe and trailed small pecks down the side of his face to his neck. Xio certainly wasn’t in the position to deny Evan anything. Through physical pain, she was aching to touch him; to be with him and make him happy. A small part of her didn’t want to take this slow but the rational side of her had enough control to remind her of what was important.

This had to be, by far, the most confident action she had even performed pertaining to her and Evan’s relationship There was a need within her to be the grown one here. To be the one who initiated contact for once instead of always been the one cajoled into it. There was no doubt in her mind that he couldn’t do it, because she knew he could, but to do it for him, to let go of fear and began the act said so much more than just watching. It was a form of saying, ‘I’m not backing out.’ She spit the small piece of plastic from her teeth, somewhere towards the side of the bed and gazed up at Evan; eyes shining with pure excitement and she fixed it on him. It wasn’t the…prettiest…thing but it she knew that it was important enough that it needed to be there. The sounds. The kind that managed to escape out of Evan’s mouth when he wasn’t trying were her favorite ones. They were pure; they were emotion in the form of sound that reflected how he felt and what she made him feel. She had never heard those sounds come from anyone else but she knew that would never sound as lovely as these.

Xio shivered visibly beneath Evan’s touch and moved forward to meet his lips hungrily and ever so skillfully, he moved, their lips never breaking until he was already hovering over her again and this time, there was nothing in their way. He nudged her legs apart and she timidly spread them open, one hand clutching her wrist. So sue her, she was afraid. Everyone was their first time. She swallowed dryness in her mouth and nodded. “O-okay.” Breath. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. She closed her eyes and waited, because beyond the next few seconds, a part of her would be gone and a new piece would begin. And she was ready.

[EVAN WARNER (HIATUS)]

[/i] happen from this moment on into the night. Evan was glad, that in this moment, Xio couldn’t read his mind. He’d be far too embarrassed. After all, it wasn’t his fault. He was exploring all the possibilities of how this night could end. Either everything could go extraordinary and perfectly. Or the polar opposite. And in Evan’s mind, the opposite wasn’t exactly… pleasant. So he was just worried and preoccupied with trying to make it end in the former option.

Things were beginning to move fast. Very fast. And the boy wasn’t complaining in the least. His lust was beginning to over flow, threatening to make him implode on himself. He wanted Xio so badly right now that the physical ache was quickly becoming unbearable. She kissed him back with all the passion he held – maybe even more. As Evan settled himself between her legs, he felt her hand close around his wrist and he could feel her fear pour into him. He leaned forward and kissed her feverishly, trying to calm her nerves – and his own. After all, he was about to take something from her she couldn’t ever get back. And with that came the thoughts of what could happen if something goes wrong. What if Xio wakes up tomorrow and instantly regrets it? Maybe this was a mistake for him to ask her to do this so soon. But here they were, moments away. He couldn’t stop now. He wasn’t going to. If Xio was going to feel that way tomorrow, well, he guessed he’d just have to sort it out then. But she did say she wanted this. And that was enough reassurance for him to continue.

He nodded, as if to coax himself into continuing – to encourage his movements and actions. He scooted a little closer to her, his body leaning over hers. Evan took another deep breath, preparing himself for it all. It didn’t exactly help that she had her eyes closed – yeah, that made him a little more nervous. He aligned himself up with her entrance and slowly pushed into her, biting his lip to stifle whatever noises wanted to escape from his mouth, his eyes closing at the overwhelming sensation washing over him – his jaw dropped temporarily before he caught himself, keeping his mouth closed by keeping his lip between his teeth. Burying himself inside of her all the way, he paused, exhaled quickly – shallowly – and pried his eyes open to look at her. “Y-you alright?” he asked, his voice breathy, his breathing coming out in shallow puffs. “I-I’m not hurting you, am I?”


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[XIO BECKETT]

They were at the end of the road now; where their destination was a movement ahead and to be perfectly honest, yes, she was terrified and it probably wasn’t helping that she had her eyes shut like she was afraid to look at him--and that wasn’t the case at all, she was just afraid of the pain that was allegedly coming. Her heartbeat wasn’t listening to her; she kept commanding herself that it was okay, this was what she wanted it was just of those emotions every person had the first time they had sex. She wouldn’t regret this, she already knew, and she hoped that Evan knew that too. She lessened her grip on Evan’s wrist shakily and cracked open her eyes. She wanted to see his face the first time they did this because she knew no matter how slow they went, how much it hurt, how awkward it was there was no one else she wanted to experience this with.

She felt him inch closer to her and she sucked in a breath as he pushed into her. Her eyes were wide the entire time and she had to bite her lip to not let out a yelp when her skin tore. It hurt. A lot. There was no way around it. It wasn’t his fault, she knew that; this was how it went no matter who you were and in the end, she couldn’t contain herself; she whimpered quietly and her mouth dropped open a few inches. It took a moment, but the throbbing pain that was threatening to make tears leak from her eyes subsided once he was all the way in and she let out a long heavy breath, her eyes closing for a moment. “Y-yeah,” she looked up at him and gulped. “I‘m fine.” He looked like he was afraid she might pass out. “No, no, no,” She forced her body to lift itself up and pressed her lips against him, every movement just a tad painful but it also lessened with each second. This would be okay. She knew he wouldn’t purposely hurt her. She stayed motionless for a few second, adjusting to the new sensation and breathing steadily.

“It’s okay.” she smiled up at him in hopes that he would relax. She could feel his fear just as she was sure he could feel hers. “Keep going.” This kind of pain wasn’t unbearable. It was just a hurdle they would defeat to get to what they wanted. Xio bit her lip and ghosted her hands over Evan’s chest. “I love you,” she whispered, stroking his arm.

[EVAN WARNER (HIATUS)]

[/i] close to anyone made him both scared half to death and slightly thrilled. The thrilled part, however, wasn’t just the mere thought of being with anybody. It was the thought of being with Xio. Every. Single. Time.

Having to be the first to initiate such a thing – to be the leader in this situation – made Evan’s anxiety level rise even higher than it currently was at. And the fact that by actually doing this, he was hurting the one he loved most (even if for just a moment)? Well, that didn’t exactly make it any better. But he knew (and constantly reminded himself) that it would get better – for both of them. That was his mantra – his reason for continuing. But it still didn’t take away from the subtle guilt that plagued his thoughts as he pushed himself forward.

When Xio’s eyes went wide as he pushed himself into her, that right there was enough for him to consider stopping it all. And the whimper? That was increasing his decision to end it right then and there. Evan couldn’t stand the thought of hurting her at all – no matter how miniscule the pain. But instead, he just asked if she was okay. In response, she reassured him she was alright – and this made his concern, worry and nerves die down a little bit more, but not too much. She lifted herself up to meet his lips and he didn’t hesitate to kiss her back.

He smiled slightly at her, unable to think that he was causing her pain. Evan waited – patiently – as she lay motionless; his breath stayed trapped in his throat as a few moments passed. She smiled at him and he felt himself smile back, nodding as she told him to keep going. “I love you, too,” Evan whispered back to her, kissing her quickly once – twice before moving his hands to beside her head, careful not to catch any of her hair. He nodded, as if to tell himself and Xio that he was going to continue. Moving his hips, he pulling himself out slowly before pushing himself back into her again, working up a slow and steady rhythm. He took deep breaths and bit his lip, attempting to keep himself in check; he wouldn’t allow himself to enjoy the feel – the general experience – until Xio did.

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[XIO BECKETT]

This was the thing about Xio. She would never ever be anyone else. Despite all the years of wanting to be someone else. Of wanting to be different. Wanting to know things others didn’t or wanting to be just like everyone else. For all the times she had wished her life could have ended or she had wished she would retaliate to someone. For all the times she had despised herself or underestimated what she could--none of it counted for a second. She would give up every happy memory she had ever experienced just to keep the one where she and Evan had first met. She would never ever speak again if it meant only being able to remember what it sounded like to hear Evan whisper ‘I love you’ into her ear. This was her. Shy…quiet…but willing to experience it all and she cherished every moment of it. She didn’t want to go back to being that person before him. That girl had been bitter. That girl was gone.

The pure fact that it was Evan was made pain like this endurable. In her eyes it wasn’t real pain anyway. She could take this if it meant spending the rest of her life with this boy. She knew he was terrified. She could see it all over his face and she wanted to reach out and touch his face and tell him that it was going to be all right but every time she looked up to glance at him she kept losing track and staring. He was so wonderful. She smiled shyly at him; her eyes sparkling. She didn’t even have to say a word.

This time, it wasn’t as bad. Her breath caught in her throat at the motion of him touching her. He pulled out some and she exhaled the air in her lungs with him; on rhythm. Each second was new, awkward, scary, lovely, amazing, perfect. Sure, they were moving slow--but they were moving at their own pace. She raised her hips to meet his and let her eyes close; the sensation of having him in her washing over her. It took more than a few minutes but after a while, the pain was minimal. She hoped he could read her mind enough to know that. Xio pushed her body against Evan’s and bit her lip to keep any sounds from escaping because things were starting to feel a lot better, a lot faster. After a moment, though, she couldn’t contain the sensation. Now she understood why people liked sex so much. “Oh, God,” she breathed the words in embarrassment and met Evan’s hips.

[EVAN WARNER (HIATUS)]

[/i] awkward. Maybe it was just because they were just so perfect for one another that they could never have an awkward moment together. Like now, when neither one of them said a thing as Evan moved himself rhythmically in and out of her. It wasn’t weird in the slightest. Sure, he had the fleeting thought here and there that he might be doing something wrong. But really. How many places are there where he could go wrong in a situation like this? Don’t answer that. He could think of twenty right off the bat.

A stray groan escaped – soft and subtle. She was finally starting to act and react. Xio moved her hips into his and that settled the restless thought that he was doing something wrong. She would have let him know by now if he wasn’t doing something right. That is… if she knew. Or if he knew, he’d stop himself. But that’s what this is – a new experience for the both of them. It wasn’t meant to be perfect. But for some reason, he knew it would end up that way, anyways. It was just them. Together. Things always end up perfectly. Even when they completely fuck it up.

It was her words that made his stomach twist in the most perfect way. Her two breathy syllables and her hips moving into his that made him moan softly (despite the fact he was dying to let himself go to full volume). It was the combination of everything Xio that made him test the limits. Per usual. He dared himself to speed up his pace. Little by little. He briefly let his head fall into the crook of Xio’s shoulder where he proceeded to hastily kiss up and down her neck, moving himself just a little faster in and out of her.

The problem with Evan in this moment was his breathing. No matter how hard he tried to concentrate on keeping his breathing level, he couldn’t. It was an impossible feat that seemed even more unlikely by the second – with every pulse in his rhythm. He would breathe deeply through his nose – attempting in vain to keep it even – and exhale through his teeth, erratically. It was no use. His breath was beginning to match his ever-increasing rhythm, making his brain cloud up even more than it already was.



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[XIO BECKETT]

Little by little, her body was lessening up on the tension and letting her desire take over. She was thinking less and less of what she wanted and just doing it. Just acting. It was nice. No, it was wonderful. Her hands did what they wanted and her lips refused to part from his and it felt so damn good; that her mind couldn’t function properly, even if she wanted it to. She could only feel and do. It was less about what if’s and being scared now. More about feeling passion and love. It wasn’t awkward, even when it should have been. Was this because she had gotten used to awkward moments or because they were just amazing like that?

Oh, his voice send icy shivers down her spine. She had a feeling that he knew it, too. She knew he wanted her. His actions said it clearly, but to have him to say it; his lips so close to hers; his tone so soft and seductive, it just added to the heat of the moment and left her wanting more. They had reached a level in their relationship where she wasn’t always so shy anymore. It was a good thing. He gave her a boost of confidence that she never experienced with anyone else. Xio kissed his ear lightly; her confidence growing, despite her lack of knowledge on how to get through the situation. The pain was a sensation that dulled more and more by the second. It was paired with a more enjoyable feeling. The mixture of being touched and being so close to him heightened it by ten.

Each movement on his part was like a invitation to get closer. Her body was filled with little electroshock waves as she rhythmically pushed her hips back against his eagerly and let out small gasps of her. The feeling kept getting better and better; it was hard not to moan loudly. She rubbed the his back softly; leaning her head to one side to expose her neck. “Mmm, Evan,” The words escaped her lips as he sped up and her eyes slid shut. “It feels so good.” She returned the kisses, fervent and lustful and almost begged him to go faster.

“God, it feels so good,” She repeated and moaned loudly. She really hoped students didn’t live in the room on the other side of the wall because he was driving her into a crazy mess and it was becoming harder and harder to suppress the sensations inside of her. Past memories were drifting through her memory; fueling her need to do things; to turn the heat up. She had a feeling things weren’t going to be so innocent when they were done.